Don't Do This And You'll Have Failed Your Children
If you grasp this post, understand it, take it in, use it and more importantly, instill the concept within your children, then you have a successful life ahead of you.
Dismiss it and mediocrity will remain.
This could be, quite simply, be the most important post you ever read.
Or you'll dismiss it and stay in your comfort zone.
No gardening,no frogs, no birds to disturb you so grab your cuppa and take your time digesting the next 3,000+ words.
I want you to think about this, not just read it and move onto something else.
This is important so take it slowly and understand it as we go, then think how you can apply it to your children.
José Mourinho is bellowing "Come on lads, we can do this."
You, you feel down.
It's a Cup Final and you're one down, one down because of your mistake, with just 10 minutes to go in a game you have dominated possession.
Your confidence evaporates.
You see your misplaced pass again and again in your head together with the thought you have messed up and ruined it for your teammates.
Your mind isn't really on the game anymore.
The coaches on the sideline can see what you are feeling, they can see you are slower, less agile, less willing to run.
Your performance is down the tube for the rest of the game.
Today I'm going to take you on an outing, a school outing inside the mind of a sports psychologist.
I'm going to give you the tools to change your life, to change your ability on the field, to set your children up for a better life.
In a Sports Psychologists world, how you are talking to yourself on the pitch is as important as the skill in your feet.
In their world your body language is as important as the ability to head a ball.
In their world preparation is more than being careful what you eat and tying your boots up so they are comfortable.
Their world is having your brain in the right place.
The difference between success and failure are fine margins.
Do you remember Gazza an inch away from a Golden Goal in the European Championships semi-final against Germany at Wembley?
A fraction hesitation from Gazza, only a fraction and the chance was gone, England lost on a penalty shoot out.
Fractions change win game so giving yourself an added fine margin is common sense.
A confident striker vs a defender lacking his confidence, who is going to win?
These duels are taking place all over the pitch.
They are being created all over the pitch as the game goes on.
You have to have the mental capacity to turn these situations around or your team is probably doomed.
Those thoughts in your head matter.
Anyone will tell you they have the will to win and they do, everyone wants to win, but that isn't a winning mentality.
A winning mentality goes above and beyond that.
It’s not the will to win that is important. It’s the will to prepare to win.
The reality is it’s the individual or team who are the most prepared who gives themselves the best opportunity to win.
Most people, 99%, are not willing to do what it takes, to prepare to win.
Most people, 99% do not push themselves, they do what is in their comfort zone, what they know, what they are safe with.
Footballis miles behind preparing mentally, it is half-hearted leaving everyone to their own devices.
You bring up psychology with most people, 99%, and they will simply dismiss it because they are not comfortable with it, it's outside their boundaries, outside their comfort zone.
Working on your mindset gives you an edge on your opponent.
While they are troubled with doubt, with anxiety, you feel certainly, an unshakeable belief, laser focus and you play with that extra zip.
OK, the technical bit folks.
Scientists have discovered that the brain makes sure people feel emotions in 10-20 milliseconds and think consciously 500 milliseconds later.
A footballer has to, therefore, be great at controlling emotions and managing his thought process, all the time.
Now, is he going to be better at doing that with or without training?
Yes, obviously with.
So why aren't they trained to be in control?
Your feelings and emotions affect performance so shouldn't you work to perfect that aspect of your game?
They affect your all round game, your technique, your anticipation, your awareness, your decision making, everything.
Football is a game of psychology.
Improving yourself psychologically is simple, but takes effort, the effort the 99% are not prepared to do.
Not physical effort, you can sit in a chair and do this stuff so why isn't it a part of weekly training, it doesn't impinge on the other training.
What I'm going to impart works for everyone, yes right up to international footballers, but it'll work for your children too and give them an advantage in life.
Football Brain Confidence
Confidence can be an elusive beast.
It can come and go from match to match, thus you get inconsistent performances.
Confidence is a disease, it killed Roberto Soldado and Vincent Janssen's Spurs careers.
Bright young talents with huge potential fail to fulfil it because their confidence is too fragile, quicksand confidence.
I mentioned Davinson Sanchez earlier because when he makes a mistake he tends to make mistake after mistake the whole game.
A mistake affects some more than others, it affects the mentally weaker.
Confidence can make or break you.
It's that important, probably the most important skill in football.
To improve consistency you have to improve the brain, improve confidence, but few do.
Dumb isn't it.
Confidence is a skill that can be improved with training, just like any other skill.
Where there is competition, you'll find the enemies of confidence, worry, uncertainty, fear, doubt and anxiety.
These enemies slow you down, they slow and inhibit your decision making, they slow your mental processes, they mess with your coordination.
They affect you physically and mentally.
On the other side of the coin, a player who is confident is free, he has the certainty that things will go well for the team and that he will play well.
He has that inner belief that he'll put in another top performance.
That allows him to play with trust in himself, without fear of any mistakes, he plays to win, not just to draw or try not to lose.
Is that you?
Are you that confident person in each aspect of your life?
Why do ugly men get beautiful women, as some do, confidence, simple as that, confidence.
OK let's return to the football field where it's your brain that shoots, passes, tackles, controls the ball, reads the game etc.
It's your brain that does it all.
FACTS
The brain is wired to be negative.
We remember negative events more than positive events.
It is wired so that gloomy negative thoughts are easy to come by.
It's default position is negative.
Take me sitting on the hollow log with a wasps nest in it and being stung so badly, so much, that it took me until my 40's to start to recover, instead of being frightened every time I heard a similar noise.
A fly flying around a dark room sounding something like a wasp and I couldn't stay in the room, I'd be off to the sofa for the night.
Irrational, but that is how a deep rooted negative thought takes hold.
Incidentally the cure for me was lavender.
I had lavender in the garden and the wasps and bees loved it, they didn't concern themselves with me so I didn't concern myself with them, I just kept cutting the lawn, moving the bush out the way to do so, never got stung once.
Our brains like to process negative information rather than positive.
Those that swap that are successful, those that don't, aren't.
Think about it, bad personal news destroy a good mood, but good personal news doesn't always take away a bad mood.
Our brain shields us from pain and danger and solves problems so it is heightened to look for these things.
The football brain is therefore attracted to all the problems the game throws at you.
The size of the opponent.
Their standing in the league table.
They have a prolific striker.
You lost the last game 4-0.
You have an injury crisis, your strikers are all injured.
You just made a mistake that led to a goal.
Your opponent just dribbled past you.
Your coach is on your back from the sidelines all the time (or so it appears).
I don't need to list all the negatives you encounter on a field, we'd be here all day, but these your brain is attracted to, thus you either control your brain or your negative brain controls you.
I'll repeat that...
You control your brain or your negative brain controls you.
Loss of confidence = loss of performance.
Next game, all that negativity built up comes to the fore.
Result - you sink lower, self doubt creeps in, you have all seen it with some strikers we have had.
The ability is there unquestionably, the brain isn't.
Shouldn't we check that before we sign them and then do something about it after we have?
When you are under pressure it is even worse.
You control your brain or your negative brain controls you.
Time to deal with it.
Building Self-Belief
If you totally ooze self-belief you'll have bullet proof confidence.
Essential to be a top player at the top of their game.
This really is the goal of a sports psychologist to build that self-belief.
Given this is the most important element of a footballer, every one of them should be using a few simple psychology techniques.
A car goes nowhere without an engine, self-belief is the engine of confidence.
Your self image rules your life, it rules every players football game.
Every aspect of your life has a self image.
Every footballer has a self image of themselves as a footballer.
In fact, they have lots of self images for every aspect of their game.
If you don't think you are great at reading a game, you won't be, but if your self image is that you are great at it, then you will be.
You'll learn quicker and develop quicker because you are receptive.
Thus to improve, a player should develop a great self image for every aspect of their game.
Lucas Moura is great in the air, he wouldn't be if he didn't have a good self image at it, he would be tentative.
You have all seen tentative headers of the ball, that's why, they don't think they are good at it.
A sports psychologist or football psychologist will help a player develop those images.
You are not born with self images, you create them as you grow, so if you help your children develop a positive image of themselves they will be more positive and successful adults.
Develop their image in all walks of life.
Memory, Perception, Thinking, Imagination
If you ponder too much on a bed experience, a bad part of your game (memory), you'll perceive that others think you are no good at that aspect (perception).
Then you will reinforce the thought you are not good at it (thinking) and you'ii imagine making the same mistake again (imagination).
Next time, you are far more likely to repeat your mistake because that's what you think you do.
The more you think this way the worse it gets.
How are you going to perform well with that negativity in your head, you can't.
Change that and you change the result.
Listen to some of our fans, they are slaves to negativity, slaves to looking for the bad, not the good, indeed they block the good out to focus on the bad,
Don't be like them, don't let your children be like them.
Teach, encourage, good self images.
Tiger Woods would go to sleep with a tape playing his father had placed under his pillow with motivational messages.
Aged 11 he went to a sports psychologist who worked on his visualisation and imagination.
Tiger became one of the mentally toughest competitors, he was easily the toughest golfer mentally and as a result he achieved great feats.
With marital problems his self image diminished and so did his golf.
You need to build your self image, piece by piece.
Every positive though added to your memory bank like adding money into your bank account on a regular monthly basis.
Do you feel better with more money in the bank, so your self image will feel better with more positivity in your memory bank.
Negative thoughts, a negative image spends the money in your memory account.
The more positive thoughts you have about your game, your life, the better you will perform.
You obviously need more positive then negative thoughts so turning these around is important.
A negative should be a challenge to change something, so a positive "I'm doing something about it" image takes it's place.
“When I was 11, I had a growth hormone problem. But being smaller I was more agile. And I learnt to play with the ball on the ground because that’s where it felt more comfortable. Now I realise sometimes bad things can turn out good.”Lionel Messi
The best footballer in the world had a problem, but looked for a solution.
He didn't wallow in the negative, he looked for a positive and developed it.
That is what champions do, what winning mentalities do.
That's what you need to do, that's what you need to instil in your children, that's what Spurs need to do and every Spurs player needs to do.
But they won't unless they are taught to.
Who is teaching them to control their thought processes to match those of Messi, Ronaldo, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and other champions who stand out?
That is what champions do, what winning mentalities do.
That's what you need to do, that's what you need to instil in your children, that's what Spurs need to do and every Spurs player needs to do.
But they won't unless they are taught to.
Who is teaching them to control their thought processes to match those of Messi, Ronaldo, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and other champions who stand out?
Psychology Technique Number 1:
Stop Listening to Yourself, Start Talking to Yourself
Stop listening to your negative thoughts.
Champions don't listen to the negative nonsense the brain produces, they talk to themselves to drown it.
They fill their heads with the positives, they take control of their thoughts, they take control of their self image, they take control of their destiny.
You have to think confidently.
Muhammad Ali rules the boxing world, the best boxer in my lifetime and the one with the greatest self image.
“I am the greatest; I said that even before I knew I was”
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, "Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."
“It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.”
“It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”
”I talk to myself confidently time and again...time and again”
The repetition of affirmations, talking to himself.
He was prepared to do what the 99% don't do, are you?
He didn't just dismiss it as nonsense because it was out of his comfort zone.
The more you talk confidently to yourself the more confident you will become, the better you will feel, the better you will perform, be it at school or on the football field or at work.
What you say determines the images in your head.
Those pictures determine your confidence, your performance.
Psychology Technique Number 2:
Stop listening to your negative thoughts.
Champions don't listen to the negative nonsense the brain produces, they talk to themselves to drown it.
They fill their heads with the positives, they take control of their thoughts, they take control of their self image, they take control of their destiny.
You have to think confidently.
Muhammad Ali rules the boxing world, the best boxer in my lifetime and the one with the greatest self image.
“I am the greatest; I said that even before I knew I was”
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, "Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."
“It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.”
“It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”
”I talk to myself confidently time and again...time and again”
The repetition of affirmations, talking to himself.
He was prepared to do what the 99% don't do, are you?
He didn't just dismiss it as nonsense because it was out of his comfort zone.
The more you talk confidently to yourself the more confident you will become, the better you will feel, the better you will perform, be it at school or on the football field or at work.
What you say determines the images in your head.
Those pictures determine your confidence, your performance.
Psychology Technique Number 2:
Your Dream Game.
Visualise your dream game, every aspect of it with mental images.
Obviously this works in all areas of life too so get your children into the habit.
See yourself making tackles, winning headers, scoring goals, stopping goals, playing passes, dribbling, see your perfect performance.
What words would you use to describe your dream game.
These are the words you use to talk to yourself.
You see yourself as the leader, you see yourself as supremely confident.
That's the self image to store in your head and keep revisiting.
Revisit these images (feed your brain) every day and your confidence will grow.
Psychology Technique Number 3:
Visualise your dream game, every aspect of it with mental images.
Obviously this works in all areas of life too so get your children into the habit.
See yourself making tackles, winning headers, scoring goals, stopping goals, playing passes, dribbling, see your perfect performance.
What words would you use to describe your dream game.
These are the words you use to talk to yourself.
You see yourself as the leader, you see yourself as supremely confident.
That's the self image to store in your head and keep revisiting.
Revisit these images (feed your brain) every day and your confidence will grow.
Psychology Technique Number 3:
Picture Success.
Didier Drogba before every game;
Drogba didn't just go out and play, he did all the mental preparation too.
He pictured games in his head every day and trained his brain to produce for him great games.
How many Spurs players do you see doing that in All or Nothing?
Didier Drogba before every game;
“I think about what I’m going to do to escape my marker. I close my eyes and try to imagine it. I actually think about the way I am going to score my goal. Most of the time when you get it in your head that you are going to score a certain kind of goal, it happens.”
Drogba didn't just go out and play, he did all the mental preparation too.
He pictured games in his head every day and trained his brain to produce for him great games.
How many Spurs players do you see doing that in All or Nothing?
Scientists have discovered that when you imagine something the brain thinks it's real, which is why visualisation is so effective.
Imagine your self image and your brain things that is your self image.
So, start training your brain, start fooling your brain.
Do this for 5 minutes a day every day.
Then up this to 15 minutes a day every day.
Pele was one of the worlds greatest footballers and he would sit with a towel over his eyes, on his own, an hour before a game.
He would then mentally go through his football images, both past mental images and visualization of the game to come.
He mentally took himself into super confident mode, then went out and produced the goods.
Can you take 15 minutes a day out of your life to improve your image of yourself?
Now imagine if every Spurs player simply performed this exercise every day.
Many of the mistakes, mistakes made through anxiety, would disappear, the fantastic would become possible, the goals would flow, the wonder goals would flow, the points would flow.
Feel the game in your images, feel the emotions, make it real to your brain.
IMPORTANT POINT: Visualise the things you can control.
For instance, there is no point you visualising winning a game because you can only control your part in the game, so it is your part you visualise.
See yourself doing specifics successfully.
Rewire your negative brain to become a positive brain.
Psychology Technique Number 4:
Magnify Strengths and Flip Weaknesses.
People who are successful in life out-work, out-prepare and out-think the opposition.
The thinking is what we have been talking about and that is preparation.
Dwell on your strengths but acknowledge your weaknesses.
Don't dwell on your weaknesses, these you turn into positives such as a timescale to improve them.
Keep the positive self image and work to bring your weakness to the point it's another strength.
If you excite yourself to work on a weakness, nothing will stop you.
Right, this has been a long one and I have only scratched the surface but remember, your self-belief is dictated by your image of yourself and that determines your confidence, which determines your performance.
COYS
People who are successful in life out-work, out-prepare and out-think the opposition.
The thinking is what we have been talking about and that is preparation.
Dwell on your strengths but acknowledge your weaknesses.
Don't dwell on your weaknesses, these you turn into positives such as a timescale to improve them.
Keep the positive self image and work to bring your weakness to the point it's another strength.
If you excite yourself to work on a weakness, nothing will stop you.
Right, this has been a long one and I have only scratched the surface but remember, your self-belief is dictated by your image of yourself and that determines your confidence, which determines your performance.
1 comment
I love that. It's perfect.